Writing this blog creates a dichotomy of feelings. Its therapeutic to think back and express the emotions I was feeling during my past and at the same time very difficult to re-live the different times of my life. I can only hope that people dealing with these same issues today can be somehow helped by these words.
So, as I was in the car about to be taken home from the aforementioned party, watching all of my friends making out and having a great time, I didn't know at that very moment that "time" would begin standing still for me as it continued to move forward for everyone around me.
In time, the stomach flu I had gotten at the party went away, however, I just never felt quite right. I had always been a very active kid, always playing some sport after school until it got dark and in the summer, all day, every day. In the summer of 1969, I just didn't feel like doing anything. I didn't have any energy and when I did get outside to play (baseball was always my favorite) I had lost quite a bit of speed and overall ability. I can remember my dad and older brother kidding me about slowing down, telling me to "get the refrigerator off my back" and constantly prodding me to get outside to play more. I had no appetite, constantly had pain in my stomach and ran to the bathroom quite frequently. Towards the end of the summer, my parents took me to the family doctor who diagnosed me with a "nervous stomach" and prescribed some sort of tranquilizer. When nothing changed, in January of 1970, finally, I went to a gastroenterologist. A series of tests were done and I was diagnosed with Crohns disease.
The next 4 years of my life (high school) were really miserable. As I stated above, time stood still for me while it moved forward for everyone else. This was because Crohns robbed me of the ability to absorb any of the nutrition in whatever I ate and because of this, puberty completely stopped. I can remember sitting in my doctors office around the age of 16 and he started asking me questions about dating and general questions about sex. If he had asked me what any Yankee's batting average was, I could have told him the answer in 2 seconds. When I really could not even talk about dating or sex he knew it was something that was very difficult for me to speak about, so he called my parents into his office. He explained to them how important it is to stimulate the mind and how the mind can sometimes overcome the bodies physical inability to mature. My mom actually yelled at him and told him how ridiculous that was and "besides it wasn't an important thing for Neal to be concerned with, he just needs to get better".
I am certain there are many things buried in my subconscious, however, consciously, I remember very little about my 4 years in high school. After I graduated, I started at Rutgers in the Fall. The Crohns symptoms would come and go, however, when they came back, it was always worse than it had been. A couple of weeks after I started college, it came out of remission and the pain was unbearable. I had a series of x-rays done and it showed a perforation in my intestines. Four weeks after I began college, I had to leave to have surgery.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Thursday, October 20, 2011
June 1969
It was Friday in the third week of June in 1969 and it was a day I was looking forward to like I had never done before. Little did I know, that this day would end up changing my life in an awful way.
To understand why I felt this great anticipation and excitement, I will first need to backtrack 6 weeks. I was 12 years old, in 8th grade and there was a birthday party for a girl (lets call her Janice) that was in a couple of my classes. The party took place sometime in April of the same year. Unlike today, birthday parties back then were not in Madison Square Garden or roller skating rinks or even in bowling alleys. They were in the home of the person whose was celebrating their birthday. The party was about a 20 minute walk from my house so I met a few friends and we walked to the party. It started off like every other party did those days, all of us just hanging out, eating junk and talking junk. Janice's parents were home when we first got there, but about an hour into the party when her older sister got home, her parents left. That's when everything in mine and all of my friends lives changed forever. To that point in my life (and most of my friends lives) I had never kissed a girl in any way. The party, thanks to older sis, was turned into a full blown make out party. I think I ended up making out with at least 12 different girls that day. I can remember the walk home with my friends like it was yesterday. We were in a daze and couldn't comprehend the feelings rushing through our bodies. I remember one of my friends saying this must be what it feels like to do heroin.
Now it is 6 weeks later and Janice is having an end of the school year party at her house. My friends and I have been counting the days since her birthday party in anticipation of this. All we talked about was who we were going to make out with and who might be invited that was not at the birthday party (new lips to kiss). All the girls talked about was how we kissed. I don't remember what everyone said about me, however, I do remember 2 comments. The birthday girl thought I kissed like a "hoover vaccuum" and another girl liked the way I kissed.
On the walk to the party, I started to feel a little weird, kind of light headed. I just thought it was that same feeling that I had, had walking home from the birthday party and didn't think anything of it. Once I got to the party, I knew something was wrong because it was 80 degrees outside and I was freezing. My stomach began to cramp badly and I was basically in the bathroom every 10 minutes. As much as I was looking forward to the party, I was feeling miserable and asked Janice's parents if I could call my parents to come and get me to take me home. Back then, there were obviously no cell phones or even voice mail. Nobody answered at my house, my parents had gone out. I ended up laying on a couch in Janice's living room, wrapped up in a blanket just wanting to go home. A couple of hours later, I called and my parents had gotten home and came and got me. As we pulled away, I remember looking in the backyard seeing the entire party making out. I didn't even care, I just wanted to feel better. What I didn't know at the time, was that I would never get better. Years later it was explained to me that the stomach flu I had gotten the day of the party is typically attacked by the bodies immune system. In my case, my immune system had destroyed a layer of my intestines, which, in turn, caused me to get Crohn's Disease. Some "party" that was.
To understand why I felt this great anticipation and excitement, I will first need to backtrack 6 weeks. I was 12 years old, in 8th grade and there was a birthday party for a girl (lets call her Janice) that was in a couple of my classes. The party took place sometime in April of the same year. Unlike today, birthday parties back then were not in Madison Square Garden or roller skating rinks or even in bowling alleys. They were in the home of the person whose was celebrating their birthday. The party was about a 20 minute walk from my house so I met a few friends and we walked to the party. It started off like every other party did those days, all of us just hanging out, eating junk and talking junk. Janice's parents were home when we first got there, but about an hour into the party when her older sister got home, her parents left. That's when everything in mine and all of my friends lives changed forever. To that point in my life (and most of my friends lives) I had never kissed a girl in any way. The party, thanks to older sis, was turned into a full blown make out party. I think I ended up making out with at least 12 different girls that day. I can remember the walk home with my friends like it was yesterday. We were in a daze and couldn't comprehend the feelings rushing through our bodies. I remember one of my friends saying this must be what it feels like to do heroin.
Now it is 6 weeks later and Janice is having an end of the school year party at her house. My friends and I have been counting the days since her birthday party in anticipation of this. All we talked about was who we were going to make out with and who might be invited that was not at the birthday party (new lips to kiss). All the girls talked about was how we kissed. I don't remember what everyone said about me, however, I do remember 2 comments. The birthday girl thought I kissed like a "hoover vaccuum" and another girl liked the way I kissed.
On the walk to the party, I started to feel a little weird, kind of light headed. I just thought it was that same feeling that I had, had walking home from the birthday party and didn't think anything of it. Once I got to the party, I knew something was wrong because it was 80 degrees outside and I was freezing. My stomach began to cramp badly and I was basically in the bathroom every 10 minutes. As much as I was looking forward to the party, I was feeling miserable and asked Janice's parents if I could call my parents to come and get me to take me home. Back then, there were obviously no cell phones or even voice mail. Nobody answered at my house, my parents had gone out. I ended up laying on a couch in Janice's living room, wrapped up in a blanket just wanting to go home. A couple of hours later, I called and my parents had gotten home and came and got me. As we pulled away, I remember looking in the backyard seeing the entire party making out. I didn't even care, I just wanted to feel better. What I didn't know at the time, was that I would never get better. Years later it was explained to me that the stomach flu I had gotten the day of the party is typically attacked by the bodies immune system. In my case, my immune system had destroyed a layer of my intestines, which, in turn, caused me to get Crohn's Disease. Some "party" that was.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
The Crohn's Beater
My name is Neal and this blog is for one purpose only...to hopefully help people that are afflicted with the same disease that I have lived with since the age of 13...Crohns Disease. I am starting this blog today, because today, October 19, 2011, I turn 55 years old. For 36 years, I lived with and fought a losing battle with Crohns. The past 6 years, the battle has turned in my favor. I will be spending the rest of this year re-living my past with all of you, from the day I became ill right up to the present. Starting on January 1, 2012, you will live with me every day to get a better understanding of the things I now do to control this disease.
If just one person gains control over their battle with this illness, then I consider this a success. Please join me as I first re-live my past and then take you into my every day life. I am not calling this blog 365 days with Crohns Disease because this diary will continue as long as there are people out there listening and hopefully being helped.
That's all for today as I plan on spending the rest of the day with my family enjoying my birthday. Every healthy day is a celebration, every birthday a treasure.
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