For anyone that follows my blog, you know, I typically go through my day and how I deal with the ups and downs of living with Crohn's disease. For the past few days, I have touched on some general subjects as they relate to Crohn's rather than relaying specifics about my day. When I do that, it means nothing out of the ordinary has occurred during the day and I have been feeling great. Today was a bit of an exception to this, but more of an annoyance than anything serious.
Went out for a run late morning. A beautiful, but cold day out. Sometimes its really tough to throw on a pair of shorts and head out into 18 degree weather. Once I get out there, I'm good to go. Ran my first 2 miles in a relatively slow pace of about 10 minutes per mile. At that point, I decided to pick up my pace. I have an app on my Iphone that tells me every minute exactly what my per mile pace is. I was shooting for an 8:30 per mile pace and was able to keep that pace pretty easily for about a mile. It was at that point that I got a cutting cramp in my gut, which of course meant I had to head right home and to the bathroom. I was really pissed off. You'd think after 42 years I would be used to dealing with the "catch 22" of physically knowing I can accomplish something, yet the after effects of what Crohn's does to the body after pushing myself keeps me from pushing myself. Yes, I know that was a ridiculous sentence, but that's what "catch 22"s" are...confusing and frustrating. Anyone that suffers from this disease knows exactly what I am talking about. I can probably spend the next month writing about examples of this in my life, but I will only talk about 2.
One of them actually changed my whole life and had nothing to do with physically pushing myself. My dad, who passed away in 2008, was a stock broker. I remember at 8 years old going to his office on one of those "kids go to parents office" days. I have always been pretty good with numbers but I might as well have been in Disney that day. All of those lights with numbers going by amazed me. I had no idea what it meant but knew I wanted to learn about it. By the time I graduated high school, I was sure that's what I wanted to do the rest of my life. By that time I already had Crohn's. My dad knew the stress involved in managing other people's money and also knew what that constant stress would do to my Crohn's. He did everything he could to dissuade me from going into that business and he succeeded. I always thanked him for doing that because my guess is I might not be writing this blog right now, if he didn't. At the same time, it's really frustrating. I was very successful at what I did, however, never had the passion I would have had if I had worked in the stock market.
The second example was also life altering, but in a much different way. I worked for a large company for 25 years and played on the company softball team the last 10 years I was there. The 9th year was my best. The team won the league championship and individually I was the best I had ever been. In the winter after that season I became pretty sick again. I played for the team the following year, however was nowhere near as good. I always remember overhearing our pitcher talking to one of the other players about me saying "I have never seen someone age physically so much in such a short amount of time". He didn't mean anything by it, he had no idea about me having Crohn's and how bad it was that year. But, he was correct. We barely made the playoffs that year. I knew what my limits were physically but I couldn't get that conversation I had heard out of my head. I pushed myself way beyond what I should have. We won that first playoff game. I don't remember all of the details but I was as good as I had ever been at any time in my life that game. I think that turnaround shocked everyone even more than how bad I was all season. It was the last game I ever played (to this date). I was as sick as I have ever been later that night and ended up having surgery 4 months later. I don't know if pushing myself directly led to that surgery, but I know it definitely sped up the process.
These "catch 22's" have always been one of the toughest things for me to deal with. Knowing what those limits are is so important to managing this disease. I will always push to see exactly what I can accomplish. The upcoming half-marathon in June has me extremely excited, yet nervous. Sounds like a catch 22 to me.
Went out for a run late morning. A beautiful, but cold day out. Sometimes its really tough to throw on a pair of shorts and head out into 18 degree weather. Once I get out there, I'm good to go. Ran my first 2 miles in a relatively slow pace of about 10 minutes per mile. At that point, I decided to pick up my pace. I have an app on my Iphone that tells me every minute exactly what my per mile pace is. I was shooting for an 8:30 per mile pace and was able to keep that pace pretty easily for about a mile. It was at that point that I got a cutting cramp in my gut, which of course meant I had to head right home and to the bathroom. I was really pissed off. You'd think after 42 years I would be used to dealing with the "catch 22" of physically knowing I can accomplish something, yet the after effects of what Crohn's does to the body after pushing myself keeps me from pushing myself. Yes, I know that was a ridiculous sentence, but that's what "catch 22"s" are...confusing and frustrating. Anyone that suffers from this disease knows exactly what I am talking about. I can probably spend the next month writing about examples of this in my life, but I will only talk about 2.
One of them actually changed my whole life and had nothing to do with physically pushing myself. My dad, who passed away in 2008, was a stock broker. I remember at 8 years old going to his office on one of those "kids go to parents office" days. I have always been pretty good with numbers but I might as well have been in Disney that day. All of those lights with numbers going by amazed me. I had no idea what it meant but knew I wanted to learn about it. By the time I graduated high school, I was sure that's what I wanted to do the rest of my life. By that time I already had Crohn's. My dad knew the stress involved in managing other people's money and also knew what that constant stress would do to my Crohn's. He did everything he could to dissuade me from going into that business and he succeeded. I always thanked him for doing that because my guess is I might not be writing this blog right now, if he didn't. At the same time, it's really frustrating. I was very successful at what I did, however, never had the passion I would have had if I had worked in the stock market.
The second example was also life altering, but in a much different way. I worked for a large company for 25 years and played on the company softball team the last 10 years I was there. The 9th year was my best. The team won the league championship and individually I was the best I had ever been. In the winter after that season I became pretty sick again. I played for the team the following year, however was nowhere near as good. I always remember overhearing our pitcher talking to one of the other players about me saying "I have never seen someone age physically so much in such a short amount of time". He didn't mean anything by it, he had no idea about me having Crohn's and how bad it was that year. But, he was correct. We barely made the playoffs that year. I knew what my limits were physically but I couldn't get that conversation I had heard out of my head. I pushed myself way beyond what I should have. We won that first playoff game. I don't remember all of the details but I was as good as I had ever been at any time in my life that game. I think that turnaround shocked everyone even more than how bad I was all season. It was the last game I ever played (to this date). I was as sick as I have ever been later that night and ended up having surgery 4 months later. I don't know if pushing myself directly led to that surgery, but I know it definitely sped up the process.
These "catch 22's" have always been one of the toughest things for me to deal with. Knowing what those limits are is so important to managing this disease. I will always push to see exactly what I can accomplish. The upcoming half-marathon in June has me extremely excited, yet nervous. Sounds like a catch 22 to me.
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